That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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