I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
