sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
