Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
