Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
