your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
