If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My balls are so social today.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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