The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
