I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
