the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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