There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
