Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
