I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
