I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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