Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
