I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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