So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
