hotel room ftw
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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