You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
