Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
