Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
