Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
