Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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