when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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