Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
