I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
