Your mouth is God's brothel.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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