You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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