I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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