She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
