I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
