his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
