i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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