i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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