yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
its liver damage thursday
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
