guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
