every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
