Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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