thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
