Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
