yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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