she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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