lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
