Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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