and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
