I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
