i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
