Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
