today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
