When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
