I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
